Peering over the cliff's edge....Part 2

In the middle of last week I had a wobble and I posted something titled 'Peering over the cliff's edge'  I wouldn't call it a meltdown but if I was a nuclear reactor, people would have been evacuated. A few people contacted me and messaged me as soon as I posted it, and that was nice but I certainly don't want people to worry. It was more a little insight, proof that I understand myself and what is going on in my head and right now I am standing much closer to the carousel than the cliff. People assume I am always happy, friends expect me to be the centre of the fun and energy, those are my friends who have known me since university when I DID have lots of energy and was very happy.  25 years can do a lot to a person. Life, real life hacks away at the energy and happiness, it is the same as erosion, the rain and wind and heat and cold eventually turn mountains to sand, life can erode our souls.  I recovered from my meltdown in two ways: Firstly I went to the gym, looked at myself in the mirror and remember I was fit, healthy, had great teeth and if one person doesn't want me, someone else will and I exercised myself until all I could think about was my aching muscles and joints, and secondly I told the source of my stress to go away, leave me alone, stop contacting me and stop using me as their go-to when they were feeling down.  I would support any friend or family member who needs emotional support but when someone is clearly using you because they need your attention more than they need you, it is time to send them packing. Other things had coincided with the emotional train-wreck. I have to move soon and don't want to and my job is going through a tense and uncertain stage, nothing to do with my performance but more a case of business needs and them saying the right things to me but not putting those words into actions so on Wednesday it all came to a head and I took the afternoon off to give myself a smack around the face.  I was known as a loner when I was a teenager and people made me feel bad about that and I never understood as I had loads of friends and a decent social life (as much as a closeted gay teen can have) and am still friends with many of those school friends and now I am 47 I finding solitude is lovely and welcome. It isn't forever, but it is available when needed. I recommend it.

And this photo is going to be my motto for the next few months, let's see how that works out!? So if you have the time, or the money, or the bravado to... Screw it. do it!