Giving up, giving in...

The title of this post comes from a song, one of my favourites, sung by The Three Degrees and I will post it here as it is light, up beat and fun:

The title of the blog arises from my turning back on the dating game. I have been single for most of the last 11 years, yes 11 years. I have had sprinkles of romance in those 11 years, a few months here and there, especially in Spain and a bit here in London but I have simply lost the will to throw myself to the wolves.  As a gay man your age is important, then take your physique.  You are always at your most desirable from 18-30, especially 18-25 (your popularity peaks as does your willingness to be promiscuous), then you expect your 30s to be calmer, settled, maybe finding Mister Right (he doesn't exist, not for me you or any one, we put people on pedestals and they fall).  My decline in dating took place from my late 30s. In my 20s and 30s I could reasonably expect to meet someone new and interesting every month if not more. Now it is less than 2 or 3 a year.  I know my boyish looks (which I milked in my 20s) have faded and my boyish energy has changed to grumpy, cantankerous middle-aged man but I still like meeting people but whereas I wanted to drink with them and dance I now want to talk about movies, eat dinner and get an early night. A guy like me, 46, ordinary, not muscular or hairy doesn't fit into one of the gay niches that exist so I cannot tick a box on those sites when describing myself. There isn't really a category.

My friends, mostly my coupled friends, ask me why, why, how, how and I don't have an answer.  Some of those people are coupled and unhappy or in open relationships so they cannot be the role models for me they may expect themselves to be.  I cannot do open relationships, I am a passionate person and than includes jealousy.  When I am in love, I am in 100% and need the same and won't accept 75%, the teacher in me expects a grade A or a B+ at the very least. Am I wrong?  Settling for someone is not right for me.  Why be in a dull unhappy relationship when I could be exploring the world?

I ask myself "Should I try speed dating" and I answer "No", or "Should I allow friends to set me up" again my answer is "No". and what about blind dates like The Guardian arranges,again no!!  My personality is often too strong for people who get introduced to me, sweet middle class guys looking for a husband don't find me palatable. I am too immature in their eyes because I like to laugh, travel, be silly and don't want to get a tiny rat like dog and matching sweaters. I will soon be 47 and have accepted the fact I could spend the next 20-30 years single, not lonely, enjoying my travels, my friends and my family and knowing that if I had someone holding my hand they would be perfect, not someone I had reached for in desperation and this would be the song in my head!

September 10, 2016